Postmodernist Pirate Jokes

From: Alex Baia, "Postmodernist Pirate Jokes," The New Yorker, November 9, 2019:

How come nobody played cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck! The other pirates had no universal moral perspective from which to criticize him, so they stared at the ocean and contemplated God’s absence.

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
“Shiver me timbers! Me entire life is this sentence, composed by some writer for a cheap laugh.”

How do you piss off a pirate?
Take away the ‘P’!

What did one pirate say to the other?
“I SEA you!” But it was just a joke, for no pirate is ever truly seen.